Babysit
by DSieya
Summary: Hermione enlists the help of Harry and Ron to babysit her new baby sister. No, it wasn't her brightest moment. [inconsequential au, oneshot, mild rhr]


_alright, so i was in a weird mood, it was 4:15 in the morning, and i was desperately trying to churn out a new harry potter fic. because i haven't written anything in months. (save some third year/marauders thing that i left on a computer without internet three thousand miles away so i really don't even have a clue why i'm telling you about it.)_

_so this is what i spat out. er, enjoy._

-------

"What is _that_?"

Ronald Weasley eyed the approaching girl with a look on his face that was a mixture of wariness, bewilderment, and disgust. In her arms was a bundle of blankets and she was laden down with various bags.

Hermione scowled as she stopped in front of her two best friends, the red-headed one craning his neck to peer suspiciously into her arms.

"_She_," the girl emphasized. "is a _child_, Ronald."

There was a slight pause as the information was soaked up.

"You have a kid?"

The brunette gave Harry, who was shaking his head sadly, a pleading look. He gave her a fleeting grin, and Hermione felt a pang of annoyance to see that he was interested as to what she was going to say next.

Bloody boys.

So, she instead took the high route and shoved her way in between them (as carefully as possible, of course), took a seat at one of the tables of the Leaky Cauldron, and said nothing as she softly set the baby on her lap against the crook of her arm.

A silence stretched on, and Hermione occupied her time with organizing the diaper bags, the baby wipes, the bottle satchel, and the pouch of little toys.

This went on for around a minute until Harry decided that enough was enough.

"Who's that, Hermione?" he asked brightly, sitting in one of the chairs that didn't have diapers on it. Ron followed suit, still eying the baby as if it was a garden gnome in disguise.

Hermione sent Harry a smile, carefully ignoring Ron.

"This, Harry, is my _sister_, -" Cue nasty look at Ron. "- Elaine. Mother and Dad are on the other side of London at a dentistry seminar, so they're letting me handle her for the day."

"Ugh," Ron instantly said. Hermione snapped her look towards him, raising her eyebrows in an imperious way. However, she had used this so many times on him that he wasn't even fazed.

"_And_," she continued. "on my way down here, I decided that it was only fair that you two get to help me take care of her." Turning a blind eye to Ron's cry of protest and Harry's slight groan, she went on. "After all, it would hardly be polite for me to be toting around all these bags and the baby myself, and she does get heavy at times. _And_ I might remind you that you would have failed History of Magic if I hadn't lent you my notes," she added for good measure.

"I failed it anyway!" Ron argued, leaning forward as he usually did when he was expecting a fight.

"That's rubbish," she snapped. "Fine, if you don't want my help next year you won't get any!" she declared.

"That's fine, I don't even need it!"

"I'll let you fail everything and not turn an eyelash!"

"What're you -"

"Will you lot keep it _down_?" came an extremely vexed voice.

Both stopped their bickering immediately, turning to look at Harry, obviously weary and irritated. Ron slumped backwards into his chair, glaring sulkily at Hermione, who started to busy herself with the baby. Harry stood up and seized the diaper bag and the bottle satchel, which were nearest. "Are we ready, now?"

-------

They were headed for Gringotts – Ron carrying the toys and the wipes as Hermione held a sleeping Elaine – when they ran into, possibly, the last person each of them wanted to see while toting around a bag of diapers.

Draco Malfoy.

Hermione saw him before he saw her, and tried to edge behind one of the tables at Florean Fortescue's. However, as easy as it was to miss three wizard teenagers laden with Muggle baby supplies in the middle of Diagon Alley, it didn't escape the cold blue eyes of Malfoy.

He approached in an exaggerated saunter, a nasty smirk playing at the edges of his pale mouth. The trio straightened up, a glare deeply etched into each of their faces.

"What have we here," he said slowly, flanked by Crabbe and Goyle. "Why, Granger, I have to say that I'm surprised." He paused for the effect. "I didn't know that there was a man blind enough to actually -"

"Sod off," Harry snapped, his arm flung across Ron's chest to keep him from attacking.

Malfoy stopped.

"Oh, never mind," he sneered, watching Harry condescendingly. "I suppose that there is someone ugly enough. I guess attraction to Mudbloods run in the family."

Hermione rolled her eyes, grabbed Harry's elbow firmly to keep _him_ from advancing, and took a step to the left to walk around Goyle.

"Come on, Ron," Hermione called behind her. "Just ignore it," she muttered.

"But, really, Granger." Malfoy had turned to follow the three. "I don't think I have ever laid eyes on something as unattractive as that _thing_ you have in your arms."

Pursing her lips, she forced herself to ignore him. Beside her, she was able to see Harry's knuckles go white as he hands were clenched into fists.

"I guess you've never seen one of your own baby pictures then," snapped Ron. "Honestly, you probably looked like white, wrinkly prune." He was walking sideways to scowl at Malfoy as both Hermione and Harry laughed.

The Slytherin was silent for a moment, and Hermione could very nearly hear his anger. But when he spoke again, his voice was composed with more mocking than ever.

"Oh, I'm sorry – is that thing yours?" he asked Ron. Hermione wheeled around to stare at him. "My, I don't understand how you'll be able to afford it." Hermione stopped walking to glare daggers at him, her hold around Elaine tightening. The baby stirred. "Of course, you can always reuse the diapers. That'll cut down costs. And you won't even have to worry about the smell, either, because I'm sure it'll fit right in with that house of yours -"

He had to stop because Ron's fist had flown into his jaw.

Hermione gasped and Elaine woke up and started to cry at the sudden yelling and energy. Crabbe delivered a strong punch into Ron's shoulder, knocking him sideways, and Goyle slowly aimed for his head. This caused Harry to, of course, join, flying into Goyle's side and knocking him off balance. They both went toppling to the ground. Ron's left arm, the one that Crabbe had hit, seemed to be trembling violently as Ron stood up again, catching Crabbe in the nose just as Malfoy kicked him behind the knees and caused him to fall backwards onto Goyle – who Harry was still wrestling with, although it was a losing battle because Goyle was three times his size. Ron's elbow accidentally smashed into Goyle's neck, stunning the Slytherin temporarily enough to allow Harry to heave him off.

Hermione, not even noticing it, had stuffed Elaine into the hands of a very interested woman and pounced in to drag Ron and Harry out.

It was much easier said than done.

With a rush of adrenaline that gave her strength she wished she had on an everyday basis, she grabbed Harry by the arm and flung him off the the side. She was pretty certain that she was yelling something at the still-wrestling boys in the center of a circle of bystanders, but she couldn't understand what because all she knew that if it was only Ron up against Crabbe, Goyle, and Malfoy, he would certainly get clobbered.

As she advanced, she notice to figures rushing in to her side; the taller one quickly shoved Crabbe as the shorter helped her grab Ron by the elbows and drag him out of there. Ron was struggling the whole way, because he was clearly not finished with his fight.

"Ron! Stop it!" she practically screamed at him, reaching up and grabbing at the pressure points in the back of his neck.

He instantly stopped, then twisted away from her. "OW," he said loudly, glaring. They stared at each other for a moment. He was breathless and dirty, with a split lip and eyebrow and an eye that was slowly bruising. "What'd you do that for?!" he demanded.

Without answering, she dragged him further away as the three Slytherins looked like they were ready for round two. At that precise moment, however, an older employee at Fortescue's rushed out, brandishing her wand and stepping in between them all.

"Go on! Shoo!" she screeched at Malfoy, who sent one last glare in Ron's direction before he muttered something at Crabbe and Goyle; they snickered, and sounded like pigs.

"Shoo!"

Malfoy skulked off; she turned to Harry, Ron, Hermione – and now Hermione recognized her helpers, Dean Thomas and Seamus Finnagin.

"Shame on you lot!" she said, marching at them. All five took a step backwards.

"I'm sorry, miss," Hermione instantly apologized. "I honestly didn't mean for -"

"You, especially, little girl! With a baby and all!"

Hermione stared at her, dumbfounded, as Dean and Seamus turned their heads to stare at Hermione.

"Oh – oh, no, no that's my little sister – see -" She walked up to the woman who she had thrust Elaine at; the little girl had quieted down and was staring, fascinated, at the woman's bright gold and sapphire necklace. "Thank you," Hermione said quietly to the woman, lifting Elaine out of her arms. A man handed her the bags Ron and Harry had dropped.

There were several seconds in which they had to carefully lift the baby's fingers out of their strong clench around the necklace, and she walked over to stand in front of Ron and Harry.

"As I said," she started. "I honestly am sorry – it's just -"

The woman fixed her with a mean glare.

"Er, bye," Harry quickly interjected, and with Ron he started to part the crowd as Hermione, Dean, and Seamus quickly followed.

"Damn," remarked Seamus after a few moments of walking in silence. "So what was that about again?"

"Malfoy being himself," Hermione said shortly, taking a quick glance at Ron who still seemed to be fuming; he didn't even notice the blood from his eyebrow running down to his eye.

They stopped shortly at a lunch parlor, sitting at one of the outside table; Dean and Seamus bade good-bye, and ambled off into the direction of Quality Quidditch Supplies. Hermione set down all the bags quickly, feeling disheveled and disorganized and not liking it at all.

"Hold her," she told Ron, who had sat between Hermione and Harry and was nearest. He took Elaine with what appeared to be much trepidation. Hermione rolled her eyes as she checked inside the bags to make sure nothing was broken and everything was in their proper place again.

Harry started to order (some sort of sandwich and mashed potatoes with treacle tart), so she looked up to spare a glance at her menu, but did a double take as she saw Ron.

He was still holding Elaine in the same position as when he had taken her from Hermione; there was a look of enormous wariness on his face as he held the poor girl under the arms and stretched out away from him as far as his long arms would allow.

After staring at him for a second and wondering how in the world he would think to hold her her like that, she sprung into action.

"_No_," she said quickly and firmly; the waitress thought that Hermione was talking to her and looked, then saw Ron and watched him with interest instead. "No. Goodness Ron, it's a baby, not a bomb." Before he could ask what a bomb was, she had whisked Elaine from his hands and was grabbing his wrists and forcing his arms closer to his body and into a cradling position. Slowly and quietly, she deposited her sister into his arms.

Elaine appeared to not have noticed the quick switching of holders, because she was eyeing Ron's hair as if it were about to spring to life. Her cerulean eyes were wide and her small mouth was open, bright pink lips shining with spittle.

"And then you support her head... no, like this..."

"Order?" The waitress asked, and Hermione felt even more frustrated. She wished she could stop time, assess, then organize her priorities.

"Er," Hermione looked at the menu, but wasn't in a state to read because she was still bent over Ron. "Just what he's having, I guess." She waved her hand vaguely in Harry's direction.

"And you, sir?"

"Roast beef sandwich with mayo, a chicken leg then... what are those little round roll things called?"

The waitress didn't even answer, just nodded as she wrote everything down and walked off without another word, heels clipping on the stone.

She looked back at Ron, to make sure he was doing it right.

"Don't hold her _sideways_ -" Ron sighed, annoyed as he adjusted.

"Know-it-all," he mumbled.

Hermione stopped, feeling the blood rush to her face in her sudden anger. The little -

"Well, I'm sorry if I do!" she retorted, feeling her lips press tight and her eyebrows furrow. He glared straight back, and he looked more menacing with a darkened eye and a bloodied face.

She was the first to break the gaze, sitting back down and jerkily pulling a bag toward herself, more to give her hands something to do than anything else.

"And a glass of water, no ice," she remarked to their passing waitress, who nodded impassively and continued on.

There was a long silence in which Ron and Hermione ignored each other and Harry had to talk to the two separately, and they just gave shortened answers and snuck glowers in the other's direction.

There was a clink near her elbow as Hermione set the annoying bunch of baby bags in a neat pile next to her chair, and she nodded a thanks to the passing waitress as she told Harry to come here and to please bring his chair.

He, understandably, was confused. "Why?

"Because you're getting weird looks at your bloody nose and scraped cheek."

"I can -"

"Just come here," she said, annoyed. Obliging grudgingly, he pulled his chair over there and sat down, sighing.

"Stop whining," she instantly told him. She felt like their mother, and hated it, but she knew that if she didn't do anything the boys would walk around like that all day – either because they would forget about it or just not care at all.

Leaning forward as Harry took off his glasses, she dampened her napkin in the glass of water and started wiping at the dried trickle beneath his nose.

"If I weren't here to take care of you both..." she muttered, pretending to be annoyed. Harry laughed.

"Stop moving!"

He did, but still appeared amused as she turned his face and carefully wiped around the large scrape on the angle of his cheekbone.

"Better," she told him, grinning.

"Up to your standards?"

Hermione laughed as Harry moved off. She looked at Ron next, and was surprised to find him frowning at her.

"What?"

He averted his eyes, and looked down at Elaine instead. She was tugging at the collar of his shirt, now gurgling happily.

"Well?" Hermione held up the glass of water. Ron looked at her for a moment, then shrugged.

Wetting her lips then chewing on her bottom one, she scooted closer and leaned forward. His light blue eyes suddenly looked up at her, and her stomach clenched.

She suddenly wished she had just ignored their cuts, but it wasn't like she could just suddenly stop. Swallowing, she dampened a clean napkin and hesitated before she cleaned up his lip. Her fingers danced around the napkin and the skin above his mouth, anything to keep from actually _touching_ his lips, but at this point it didn't actually matter. The air was already saturated with tension and awkwardness, and she felt his jaw clench tightly as she worked quickly but not _too_ quickly so it wouldn't look like she wanted to finish with it and be done. Even though she did.

After her work around his mouth (she winced inwardly) she had to move to his eyebrow, which was nearly just as bad because it was, obviously, right next to his eye – both of which were staring determinedly at a spot above her head, not looking at her at all.

Biting hard down on her lip now in her nervousness, she steadied her hands and speedily finished her work, letting out a breathe when she was down and pushing her chair two feet backwards right away.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Uh," Ron started. "Here's your sister -"

He started to pick Elaine up, and she let go of the collar of his shirt. As he started to move her toward Hermione's outstretched arms, the girl suddenly decided to spit up. All over Ron's shirt.

Everyone, even Elaine, stared at it. Hermione put one hand on her mouth in shock as Elaine started to giggle. The brunette glared at Harry as he began to, too.

Ron sat in surprise, staring at the spot in disgust and dread.

Hermione snatched Elaine before he accidentally dropped her.

"Wonderful," said Ron very sarcastically, glaring at Hermione as he reached for a handful of napkins. "This day just keeps getting better and better."

-------

After spending a few minutes at the bank (and, in Ron's case, looking angry), they headed straight for Flourish and Blotts to get their books. Each person was a little weary of the day, and they were quick in their walk there so they could rest and relax sooner.

Harry was between Hermione and Ron, because Ron was determined not to get too close to Elaine (as if she were set on aiming her next spit-up at him). They passed through the doors, and the place was already crowded with Hogwarts students doing their shopping. Neville Longbottom, clutching his book list as if he had already lost it once, was straining to reach a book on a top shelf. In the corner, the Weasley twins were peering closely at a book of whose title Hermione was unable to make out, although she did see a large exclamation mark on the cover she she instantly expected that it couldn't be good (_Pull off the Best Magical Pranks... and Don't Get Caught!_).

"Look, we're already in the 'G' section, lets just grab our _Standard Book of Spells_ -" Harry started to say as Neville – who had made the mistake on standing on a shelf to grab his book – fell backwards and brought half the books with him.

The third shelf, which he had climbed onto and already laden down with pounds of text, couldn't take his extra weight and had simply collapsed; it appeared as if he had grabbed onto a higher shelf before falling, too, because _that_ had collapsed and all the books on the floor had made a very thick Neville Sandwich.

Several people screamed and nearly everyone in the bookstore started to hoard in their area. Hermione, Ron and Harry, as well as a few other people, hurried up to the edge of the very large pile of books, straining their necks to look for the boy.

"Neville, you alright?" Harry called, as Hermione watched on with growing concern.

A groan was their only answer. There was a heightened volume of muttering, but no one really made a move to go in there. Then, of course, Harry stepped forward and started to make his way across the books and Hermione had to follow – after all, it was the nice thing to do. Without a word or glance, she gave her redhead friend Elaine and didn't stop long enough to have him complain.

They picked their way through, careful not to slip or damage a book or turn an ankle, and finally where they reached Neville he had started to clear the books off of himself and Hermione and Harry helped with the remainders and heaved him off of his feet by both hands. He looked pained, and was rubbing his back and one eye was beginning to turn purple where a corner of a book had hit him.

"Everyone's getting those today, aren't they?" Harry muttered to Hermione, who sighed.

"Thanks," Neville muttered, his face red and eyes cast down.

"No problem," said Harry, nimbly jumping over a rickety pile. Hermione helped lead Neville across - (_"Oh – ouch - sorry -" _he said as he stepped on her heels).

Someone was pushing through the crowd of onlookers towards the trio, and Hermione watched as an old lady dressed in conservative green robes and clutching a red, scaly handbag pulled herself away from the crowd. Beside her, Hermione felt Neville shrink.

"_Neville_!" she shrieked shrilly. "What did you _do_?"

"Sorry," he mumbled, shuffling his feet and looking at the floor.

Muttering angrily, she marched forward and jerked on his elbow, starting to pull him away where she could get angry at him in private. Neville gave Harry and Hermione one last look, and they managed to give him weak, sympathetic smiles.

"Poor Neville," Hermione sighed, staring at his back. Harry nodded as they watched for a moment.

"I'd hate to be in his shoes," remarked a voice behind her left elbow. Hermione, not expecting anyone to be there and not noticing anyone approaching, jumped and turned around, then took a step back when she realized how close he was.

"Don't _do_ that!" she said through clenched teeth, suddenly annoyed. He looked perplexed.

"Do what?"

She just rubbed her temples, noticed Harry watching them and shaking his head knowingly, and then glared and turned away so she couldn't see him.

She looked at Ron again, who was watching her. They stared for a moment, when she noticed something was missing.

"Where's Elaine?!" she exclaimed.

"Huh?"

"My _SISTER_."

"Oh. I dunno. Didn't you have her?"

She stared at him, dread forming into the tightened knot of her stomach. It suddenly turned to fury, and she stepped forward towards him and, with clenched teeth, said, "I just gave her to _you_!" With each word, he received a jab in the chest from her pointer finger.

"Ow!"

"How can you be so irresponsible!"

"You're _crazy_, you never gave her to me! Last I saw her was with you!"

"I gave her to _you_, you were right behind me!"

It was on the verge of one of their shouting matches.

"If you tried I wouldn't have even taken her!" Ron yelled. Ding.

"I HANDED HER -"

"Looking for this, Hermione?"

Hermione wheeled around to see George behind her, holding – oh, God have mercy - Elaine. With a cry of relief, she rushed over to George and took her sister into her arms (behind her, she heard Ron make several indignant noises) – for several, terrifying seconds she had thought that she had lost her and who knew what kind of things particular people (read: Malfoy) would do if they found her all alone?

"Where'd you find her?" she asked, holding the baby tight as if she was about to disappear.

"Uh," the twin watched Hermione closely. "You gave her to me."

Oh, bugger.

Wincing, she turned around to face Ron, who was glaring at her so darkly that it would make any First Year turn and walk quickly in the other direction.

"Er -" she started. His glare went deeper. Ah, no. Now for the apologizing. She knew when she had to, unlike him, but it was just so awkward when they hadn't already stormed off in opposite directions so it would give her time to think about what to say.

"Er, Ron – um, well, I'm really sorry about what I, uh, just said." She stopped. "I just thought he was you, I suppose, I mean, I wasn't really looking, so -" She realized that she was leaping to her own defense and making excuses, and stopped. "It was unfair of me."

There were a few seconds that she was simply _sure_ Ron had dragged on to make her feel even more embarrassed, standing there and clutching the object of all the chaos.

Finally, he gave a stiff nod as though he were still miffed about it, then started to walk away. Hermione winced again. "Great," she muttered to herself, looking down at Elaine and let out a small sigh.

"He's such a prat," said George behind her, who had eavesdropped the whole time and didn't seem to have a problem with it.

She looked at him. "I'm sure you heard what we were... talking about, what I was saying."

"Hermione – I think the whole store heard."

"Then why -"

"Oh, nothing," he said mysteriously. He suddenly looked to his side. "Yes, Fred? Right away!"

Before Hermione could inquire as to what the hell he was talking about, he was already halfway across the room. Damn the Weasleys and their long legs.

She quickly grabbed one book off her book list and went to go find Ron again; she did, on the second story where he was flipping through a book with racing brooms on the front cover. She stopped a little while away from him, leaning against the rail and watching him study the diagrams carefully in the book. To more support her sister, she leaned the book halfway against her arm and halfway against Elaine.

Ron finally glanced up and walked over. She turned around, leaning forward against the rail and looking at the entirety of the store. Looking out of the corner of her eye and by feeling a sudden warmth beside her, she could tell that Ron had taken his place next to her.

There that followed was a companionable silence, and it stretched for over a minute before Hermione finally spoke. "I really am sorry, you know, it was -"

"Shut up."

She did, and looked down below her where she could see Crabbe and Goyle behind Malfoy, carrying his books for him. She suddenly smiled, thinking of the exact moment when Ron had hit him in the face, earlier that day.

"What're you smiling about?"

She looked at him, and he was watching her closely.

"I was just hoping that that black eye you gave Malfoy lasts until the First."

They both laughed, and he seemed pleased that she wasn't angry at him for fighting like she would have been on a regular basis. She was glad, actually, even when it was happening: if anyone deserved it, it was Malfoy, and if anytime was the right time to punch him, that was it.

Elaine, annoyed that she wasn't the center of attention, shifted in Hermione's arms and moved her legs so the book that was rested against her fell off and over the edge of the railing.

Both Hermione and Ron twisted to watch it fall, and couldn't stop laughing as it bounced once on Crabbe's head then fell to the floor.

------

They were walking down Diagon Alley, all slightly happier and Ron was even willingly holding Elaine. (He warmed up to her after she knocked Crabbe to the floor.) The sun was setting brilliantly, and there was the coolness right before dusk. The streets were clearer, save for a few shoppers, and the air was more relaxed now that they had all their school supplies which were safe in the Leaky Cauldron, leaving them relatively unburdened.

Every once in a while, Hermione would shoot a smile at Ron who she was actually quite pleased with today. Harry would notice and smile to himself.

They were talking and laughing about nothing in particular when a pair of stunningly gorgeous blonde girls who Hermione did not recognize walked right up to Ron and started to coo at the Elaine, who instantly fisted their hair. Judging by their accent, they were German. Hermione frowned at them as Ron got a glazed look in his blue eyes, and started speaking in a non-Ronish manner. (_"Yeah, I love the kid, she's practically my niece -"_)

To both Hermione's happiness and annoyance (she moved to the other end of Harry and was busy frowning at Ron), the two German witches finally bade good-bye.

"Auf Wiedersehen!"

When they continued to walk, Ron seemed very pleased with himself and was holding Elaine closer. He probably did love her at the moment.

Hermione decided to not let it bother her too much. It wasn't like he was going to see them again, and she had more important things to worry about, anyway – school was coming up, and they were approaching the end of their days in Hogwarts. Not only that, she needed to devise new ways of keeping the pair of them out of trouble – Harry in particular, because it seemed to follow him around like Colin Creevey did in second year.

In truth, she thought as she watched Ron with Elaine (to make sure he was still holding her correctly, of course), she felt it was her duty to watch over them, that's why she was here – to be the rationalizing adult of the situation. Because sometimes – especially – teenage boys needed a little babysitting of their own.

**The End**

-------

_crap, this took a hella long time to write. i'm exhausted. this was, like, ten pages and i hate writing harry because i just think he's hard. did i do okay with him, everybody?_

_i hope you found at least some parts funny. they were funny to me, when i thought of 'em. :) of course, it would be unwise to trust that because i tend to giggle at the slightest things._

_please review. :)_


End file.
